♥Jess`ca ong
S H O U T
She's imperfectly perfect.
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scold her, she kept silent.
nag at her, she yells.
step on her tail, she bitch.
let her go hungry, she bites.
pamper her, she booast.
truely ♥ her, she purrs ;)
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Saturday, May 4, 2013
想念
I am officially 24 years old. & I have only got two serious relationship thus far.
I gave my all and had to eat all the humble pie for the first relationship for that miserable two years.
I gave up my studies.
I break all ties with my family and relatives.
I stopped contacting all my friends who are really concern about me and end up giving up on me.
I gave my all.
Believing that he is the one.
Yet, I end up losing to a girl whom he met for just a few days.
Loadsa dramas for the very first one.
I started to learn to drink. To party hard. Trying hard to sway away all the pain, all the memories, and all the terrible days I shouldn't had.
Because of drinking and partying, I get to know Jon through huiyi.
Jonathan . . my second chapters.
He isn't someone I wanted.
Yet I end up I couldn't live without him.
He taught me alot of stuff.
& he brought me and my family even closer than before.
& he gave me the security that is so hard to earn by.
When I finally had the 100% confidence in him.
He told me that his feelings for me has changed all along since that very first breakup.
He didn't even need to say a break up, I just knew and start packing my stuff.
All he could say is a heavy sorry from him.
He made me realize at the very end that he is someone I wanted.
2 months later our break up.
I heard from sisi that she saw the marriage photo of my very first ex.
And the bride is that third party of ours back then.
I was shocked and speechless.
I only got 2 ex-es so far.
And one of them is already married now.
The day before my birthday, I dreamt of Jon and his mom and his uncle and that very cute doggie of theirs. I have been dreaming of the two of us patching up. And I do not know why. Especially when I did not think of him anymore.
Whenever I dreamt of him. I felt confused. I felt lost. I am confused bcos I thot I already let him go. But times to times especially on some special occasion, I would dream of him. The dream always made me wonder and questioned myself "Did I really let go?"
And yest.
I dreamt of my first ex. I bumped into him while I am looking for a new laptop with my sis.
Both of us are so shocked and he looked so happy to bump into me.
The only feeling I felt is disgusted by his presence, his speech, his everything.
The same feeling when I left him.
I woke up feeling as disgusted.
This made me think.
No matter what dream I had dream of Jon.
Apart from feeling lost and confused, I felt peaceful and sweet.
Until now.
I still do not have the courage to delete those photos of ours.
And from time to time, I would look at them and smile.
Those memorable memories . . . will always be carved in my heart.
Even though I could not be with him forever.
At least our memories are.
I believe, that is enough le bah =)
5/04/2013 02:23:00 AM