♥Jess`ca ong
S H O U T
She's imperfectly perfect.
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scold her, she kept silent.
nag at her, she yells.
step on her tail, she bitch.
let her go hungry, she bites.
pamper her, she booast.
truely ♥ her, she purrs ;)
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Sunday, September 12, 2010
8:22:00 PM
I really despise myself to bits.
Whatever I say or do is wrong.
I keep making the same mistakes.
I shouldn't meddle... I shouldn't try to say anything.
I should just listen.
It's like history repeating again...
Like in 2005..when I tried to meddle too much.
I am sorry. I am really sorry.
I know I am not cut out to be your friend.
``
Hmmm, i just wanted to say. We're not a jigsaw puzzle, no one is born to fit for anyone.
There is only, " We fight for our own happiness. So that we can stick together side by side. "
I cried at mac not bcos of those harsh words u left hanging in my head, but it's some words that hit me & made me to realize something really important i've repeatedly told myself back then.
I have to be independent.
I have to be stronger.
However,
nowadays.. i've been so stick & so dependent on you, on jon, on wee, on drinking ..
What if one fine day,
I'm back to square one, that really pathetic me.
I've once lost all of you.
I've lost all of my really close frens..
Then i've lost my relative..
I've lost my family's trust & love..
I've lost my boyf..
& finally i've lost myself ..
Then i start to reconcile frenship wif joanne.. then i got to know Henry..
& i start to drink my sorrow like every week. Then 2days per week, and it was like 3days per week and before i know it, i've become such an alcoholic.
Suddenly, joanne has a new boyf.. Henry starts to drift away too..
But i'm still prone to drinking.
& bcos of drinking, Sissy & Vian misunderstood me & we quarreled real bad. & they made me to realize something.
I cried for days.
Before i can apprehend everything, everything is back to square one.
I've lost everyone including myself.
So i cried not bcos of how harsh & practical you've said to me.
But bcos i've realize i start to be dependent on people once again..
& i am so afraid of going back to square one.
i dun want to..
Thereof,
I'm so so so so so so so so so so so sorry if i've made you guys worried for sick.
I want to be stronger & independent, so i left myself thinking.. Alone.
9/12/2010 07:40:00 PM