♥Jess`ca ong
S H O U T
She's imperfectly perfect.
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scold her, she kept silent.
nag at her, she yells.
step on her tail, she bitch.
let her go hungry, she bites.
pamper her, she booast.
truely ♥ her, she purrs ;)
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Monday, February 16, 2009
WARNING: triple long post. so only if u care to noe then read wor
Reunion Dinner♥♥♥
Didn’t go as plan though. When ahdear & I woke up in e morning over at my place, We quickly wash up and rush over to ahdear’s hse to eat RD.
As usual, Steamboat (:
So fast,
Another yr of having RD steamboat at ahdear’s hse.. ((:
Felt rather nostalgic all of a sudden. I always remind myself not too eat too much n too full but I just cant resist de temptation! LOL. :DD
Bfore I go back hm for RD wif ahdear’s accompany. I already asked mummy whether those Btches will come not.. After several confirmation, I am fully known dat only MY family. Afterall, it’s reunion dinner wad. So I was all so ready and v jovial to go back home bringing ahdear along wif me to eat reunion dinner at home when…
I saw my aunt’s car stopping just a few cm infront of me, ushering my granny & maid into her car. It’s fine when she simply ignores us when she drove past us.
But she is going to our place!!
THAT IS THE PROBLEM !
Thot mummy say no other ppl de lor. So I diedie no matter wad also dun wanna go back home. Ahdear jiu start to give me his lecture & blablabla.
***
-----------------DRAMA part comes.
ahdear keep pulling me to go back but I resist.
then I tried to run away. He catch me.
we know dat my aunt and my fam saw de tuggle btn dear & I cause it’s noticeable for we’re not standing too far to be seen..
But who cares at those moment.
ahdear jiu shout and yell at me wif his eyeballs going to like pounce out liddat..
i heckcare~
cant run away & i dun wan to go back hm,
i walk super fast towards my hse area and dump all my belongings in daddy's car when i walk past it..
then i jiu runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn ...
i know ahdear sure run after me and grab hold of my arm real tight again.
And it's so super painful lor.
Especially when i try to get away from him,
he grab tighter lor.
still,
he caught up wif me -.-
He grab my arm till i can see de red mark..
and it seems like my bone sooner or later is breaking soon ..
almost like got blueblack lor.
then he grab hold of my wrist !!
oh my tian..
That is so torture-able !!
he is hurting me !!
so painful, so i resist, i turn left & right in order to get away from his grabbing..
but each time i tried to do this,
it's hurting me inch-er ..
almost cried.
But its cny eve!
so i hold back my tears..
then ahdear continue dwn there keep yelling like there's no one ..
when actually all de neighbours are looking at US !
and i'm not living in HDB.
where only few ppl looking at u, almost un.noticeable..
i'm bloody well living in private housing!
where ahdear & my fighting is OPEN WIDELY shown to alllllll...
neighbours just stare boldy at us,
pointing fingers seen everywhere..
so so so..
huiliating! plus getting all so annoying, and ashamed and angry and pissed off!
wif ahdear that `B hurting me, grabbing tighter each time i resist, yelling out loud in public !!!
Eventually,
i cried.
but ahdear just NEVER STOPs !!
he throw his ftemper.
& i throw my fattitude.
***
THEN.
to make de whole drama looking more dramatic..
drops of water falling down on us..
-.- raining..
***
JUST NICE.
b4 dat i jiu sat on de side of de road..
and just nice, got tree above me (neighbours wan)..
so im being 'covered' & 'protected'.
but my teeth are chattering frm de cold and holding onto my wrist dat still hurts badly.
and still tolerating wif ahdear's humiliating yellings and scolding.
PLUS.
neighbours staring at us, lauging at us, talking about us, pointing at us..
and yes.
i say neighbours..
Meaning not only one family..
Then ahdear jiu liddat angry again..
he say:
" you very good hor. you nvr kanna de rain. BUT ME LEH! "
-.- i also nvr tell him to stand dwn there yelling, scolding me under the rain..
i already told him to leave me alone and go away le lor.
But who cares at those moment.
ahdear jiu shout and yell at me wif his eyeballs going to like pounce out liddat..
i heckcare~
cant run away & i dun wan to go back hm,
i walk super fast towards my hse area and dump all my belongings in daddy's car when i walk past it..
then i jiu runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn ...
i know ahdear sure run after me and grab hold of my arm real tight again.
And it's so super painful lor.
Especially when i try to get away from him,
he grab tighter lor.
still,
he caught up wif me -.-
He grab my arm till i can see de red mark..
and it seems like my bone sooner or later is breaking soon ..
almost like got blueblack lor.
then he grab hold of my wrist !!
oh my tian..
That is so torture-able !!
he is hurting me !!
so painful, so i resist, i turn left & right in order to get away from his grabbing..
but each time i tried to do this,
it's hurting me inch-er ..
almost cried.
But its cny eve!
so i hold back my tears..
then ahdear continue dwn there keep yelling like there's no one ..
when actually all de neighbours are looking at US !
and i'm not living in HDB.
where only few ppl looking at u, almost un.noticeable..
i'm bloody well living in private housing!
where ahdear & my fighting is OPEN WIDELY shown to alllllll...
neighbours just stare boldy at us,
pointing fingers seen everywhere..
so so so..
huiliating! plus getting all so annoying, and ashamed and angry and pissed off!
wif ahdear that `B hurting me, grabbing tighter each time i resist, yelling out loud in public !!!
Eventually,
i cried.
but ahdear just NEVER STOPs !!
he throw his ftemper.
& i throw my fattitude.
***
THEN.
to make de whole drama looking more dramatic..
drops of water falling down on us..
-.- raining..
***
JUST NICE.
b4 dat i jiu sat on de side of de road..
and just nice, got tree above me (neighbours wan)..
so im being 'covered' & 'protected'.
but my teeth are chattering frm de cold and holding onto my wrist dat still hurts badly.
and still tolerating wif ahdear's humiliating yellings and scolding.
PLUS.
neighbours staring at us, lauging at us, talking about us, pointing at us..
and yes.
i say neighbours..
Meaning not only one family..
Then ahdear jiu liddat angry again..
he say:
" you very good hor. you nvr kanna de rain. BUT ME LEH! "
-.- i also nvr tell him to stand dwn there yelling, scolding me under the rain..
i already told him to leave me alone and go away le lor.
NEVERMIND.
i jiu say:
" u dun wan to go right? then i go.."
i wanna leave le..
then ahdear grab tightly my already injured wrist..
argh!
when can he learn not to use violence?
especially on me?
i hate ):
No sense of alarm-ness.
ahdear continueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee to scold me..
then i jiu found a chance to run away from him.
he faster run as well.
then grab tightly on my arm again!
quarrel here & there..
shoutings here & there..
In a fit of anger to max.
he throw his 8 oranges & guava juice? (forgotton.)
Against neighbours' dustbin.
Imagine de big big green color dustbin outside each of our gate that kanna bang and kanna roll over, flipping over by 8 oranges & something by just throwing over against it..
ahdear really really really FURIOUS le..
i..
heckcare.. ran away again..
Then he stops me again!
then i jump away and push him away..
slap his chest.. beat drummer on his chest.. push him away..
But he still come back near me..
***
AND.
Knowing i'm wearing mini skirt..
He carry me up !!
my panties also kanna seen le lor!
i keep drumming his back, yelling to put me down..
But he just dun listen..
i swing my leg forth & back.. wanting to kick him..
while pulling my mini skirt dwn..
and shouting at him to put me down immediately!!
& i saw de indian family all standing up and looking at us lor !
stupid idoit bin.
i think i am still as heavy for him,
he cannot tahan and put me dwn.
AT LAST.
***
Then with awareness..
we 2 are just behind my hse.
Continue having our fights.
Ignoring more neighbours.
Then mummy came out at de back of door..
even when she reprimand me to stop at once, i totally cannot listen in!
Cause all she say is:
" ooi. neighbours are looking already. you not ps ar? stop quarrel now and come back at once! you not ps ar? har?! stop now and come back! all neighbours are pointing, staring and laughing at you already. Not ps ? "
she just keep saying "not ps not ps not ps" !
until she is giving me de impression that i am just losing her face! she doesnt care wad's really the problem..
she doesnt even ask or care why im throwing such a BIG temper.. she just want her face.
she ask " why u dun wan to come back home?"
i was thinking wdh, she should know de lor.
so i just replied her:
" if SHE get out of our hse, i jiu go back home.."
mummy still ask me "wad u mean"
har?! isnt it obvious?
Obviously she wants me to say it loud & clear issit?
and aunt is still in my hse lor.
& i believe she can hear everthing.
so i SHOUT loudly
" Not obvious enough meh !!!! Want me to say it super clear issit ?!! "
mummy pek chek & went back hse.
argh!
i hate that moment de me..
ahdear reprimand me giving me lecture again..
after shouting awhile at me..
he gave up and say ..
"you your ownself think! you go and self-reflect ! "
once i heard de word "self-reflect"..
i was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo angry again.
cause that's wad that bitch told me- the last word she say to me..
i know it's diff ppl & diff case.
But ahdear had trigger my inner hurtful swollen pride of mine.
can't help but lose my temper once again..
***
Since ahdear walk away..
i jiu walk de opposite way of him.
and i walk fast fast away.
back to daddy's car to take my belongings, but it's already on-lock.
Nvm.
i can still survive de.
then i cross my finger..
when i walk past aunt's car..
i really feel like smashing apart her that extra mirror thing..
but thinking only hurting my hand and if fail how?
so i continue to walk fast down away from my hse area..
***
Thinking ahdear left before me.
so he should be around bustop..
i took a quick peek at bustop area..
No leh.. he's not there.. thinking maybe his bus just nice arrive and he left le..
NVM lor.
i walk myself!
so wad if even de only one who cares and support me walks away in my life?
i dun care!
want go, go lar..
***
With nothing wif me..
not even ez-link card nor a 10 cent coin... i can only walk lor..
while walking..
i plan my journey.
1st thot.
" go sissy hse. "
then scold myself.
"Siao ar.. how to walk from my hse to her hse.. at commonwealth there leh.. "
2nd thot.
" go xian hse."
scold myself.
"-.- she must be celebrating reunion dinner wif her fam now lor. Even if i manage to reach, later her dad jiu will have bad impression on me le.."
3rd thot.
" go joey's."
my angel.
" dun be crazy. u dun even noe where is it. Plus, u got hp meh? no. so dun even and ever think about it."
4th thot.
" go naz hse."
ownself convince ownself.
"Set. since she also wont be celebrating cny eve. her fam also wont mind bah.. But.. can i reach there before i exhuasted to death? Later ahdear they all also cannot find me.. I still want to eat reuion steamboat wif mummy & daddy de .."
Dun doubt.
i really like went crazy. like one siao char bor liddat.
Deciding and scolding myself and analyzing.. -.-
In the end,
i plan to go bukit batok nature park.
I already reach le..
see inside.
Thinking later pitch dark i sure scared to hell..
Plus if ahdear want come find me he also cannot find me. How?
So i end up sitting at de bustop..
Just a few metre away frm bb nature park..
& a few few metre away frm my hse area..
Sat alone at bustop.
With only cold wind embracing me..
Leaves hustling as wind whistle by..
Running footsteps heard behind me that aways set my heart thumping so fast but to only sadden me for disappointment `bcause it's not ahdear or my family come looking for me,
it's just some random runner..
Indian old couple walk past me which sadden me more..
`bcause they set me wonder, where is my company?
Thinking that i will be griving alone at one ulu bustop during 2009 cny eve, my eyes jiu redden wif droplets going to fall.
I push back those wilful tears by tilting my head high up..
Telling myself not to cry.
This is the 1st time i had such a new yr eve and i am not going to loosen up.
my aunt(s). they wait. they sure get their own retribution..
***
After few hrs..
no one came -.-
nvm.
i ownself lonely de walk back home..
Cause i tired, cold and HUNGRY le..
***
while walking back home..
i know i went overboard and ridiculous..
But that is because i saw my aunt and i went "ki siao"..
PLUS ah dear keep trigger me..
i totally went berserk !
if he nvr shout at me letting so many ppl know & grabbing me so tightly..
quietly let me go bustop and we have our 'conversation' there..
i am sure things will go better de lor.
BD bin. asshole turtle.
he is just as ignorant as a gina.. no diff from me lor. sometimes worse off than me..
***
Halfway back home..
i saw a vision..
i squint my eyes &
Look clearer..
IS AH DEAR!
i faster turn & ran ar !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ah dear still caught up wif me -.-
my stamina now cmi liao..
thot he went back home le?
Thot once again ahdear going to grab tight tight and hurt me again..
so scared that i faster push ahdear away when he hug me tightly..
But he nvr.
he just tightly..
hug me closely.
he put his hand over my head and pat me..
kept saying "darling.. i am so sorry.. where have u gone to? i am so worried.."
Upon hearing all that.
i cried in his arm..
stupid ah dear..
so long then find me.. sob!
***
After ah dear say he treat me drink coffee bean's..
i cool down a little more bit. ^^
then he jiu say his granpa story..
he say where he'd gone to find me lah..
lucky he go this direction and find me lah..
he keep RUNNING around my neighbourhood to find me but cant find lah..
& many blablabla lar..
lolx.
silly ah dear..
i was awalys at de ulu bustop waiting for him..
ben dan asshole turtle.. ^^
***
THEN.
i know dat when ahdear turn and walk away frm me..
he actually went to go try to retrieve back the already smashed oranges (and something)..
cause he still plan to go my hse eat reuion steamboat dinner wif my fam de..
Need to bring oranges "bai nian".. but only left 2 oranges.. ><
Really silly him.
i thot he angry until heckcare me went home le lor!
humph!!
***
After eating 'steamboat'..
ah dear jiu wanna leave my hse to his fren's hse le..
sob!
then i jiu continue pack my luggauge..
after dat, fang fang & xiao yan jie jie jiu come over my hse play majong..
counting down cny.. ((:
***
Had a 'fruitful' & tiring loong cny eve wor..
xoxo.
i still love him & my fam ((:
i jiu say:
" u dun wan to go right? then i go.."
i wanna leave le..
then ahdear grab tightly my already injured wrist..
argh!
when can he learn not to use violence?
especially on me?
i hate ):
No sense of alarm-ness.
ahdear continueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee to scold me..
then i jiu found a chance to run away from him.
he faster run as well.
then grab tightly on my arm again!
quarrel here & there..
shoutings here & there..
In a fit of anger to max.
he throw his 8 oranges & guava juice? (forgotton.)
Against neighbours' dustbin.
Imagine de big big green color dustbin outside each of our gate that kanna bang and kanna roll over, flipping over by 8 oranges & something by just throwing over against it..
ahdear really really really FURIOUS le..
i..
heckcare.. ran away again..
Then he stops me again!
then i jump away and push him away..
slap his chest.. beat drummer on his chest.. push him away..
But he still come back near me..
***
AND.
Knowing i'm wearing mini skirt..
He carry me up !!
my panties also kanna seen le lor!
i keep drumming his back, yelling to put me down..
But he just dun listen..
i swing my leg forth & back.. wanting to kick him..
while pulling my mini skirt dwn..
and shouting at him to put me down immediately!!
& i saw de indian family all standing up and looking at us lor !
stupid idoit bin.
i think i am still as heavy for him,
he cannot tahan and put me dwn.
AT LAST.
***
Then with awareness..
we 2 are just behind my hse.
Continue having our fights.
Ignoring more neighbours.
Then mummy came out at de back of door..
even when she reprimand me to stop at once, i totally cannot listen in!
Cause all she say is:
" ooi. neighbours are looking already. you not ps ar? stop quarrel now and come back at once! you not ps ar? har?! stop now and come back! all neighbours are pointing, staring and laughing at you already. Not ps ? "
she just keep saying "not ps not ps not ps" !
until she is giving me de impression that i am just losing her face! she doesnt care wad's really the problem..
she doesnt even ask or care why im throwing such a BIG temper.. she just want her face.
she ask " why u dun wan to come back home?"
i was thinking wdh, she should know de lor.
so i just replied her:
" if SHE get out of our hse, i jiu go back home.."
mummy still ask me "wad u mean"
har?! isnt it obvious?
Obviously she wants me to say it loud & clear issit?
and aunt is still in my hse lor.
& i believe she can hear everthing.
so i SHOUT loudly
" Not obvious enough meh !!!! Want me to say it super clear issit ?!! "
mummy pek chek & went back hse.
argh!
i hate that moment de me..
ahdear reprimand me giving me lecture again..
after shouting awhile at me..
he gave up and say ..
"you your ownself think! you go and self-reflect ! "
once i heard de word "self-reflect"..
i was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo angry again.
cause that's wad that bitch told me- the last word she say to me..
i know it's diff ppl & diff case.
But ahdear had trigger my inner hurtful swollen pride of mine.
can't help but lose my temper once again..
***
Since ahdear walk away..
i jiu walk de opposite way of him.
and i walk fast fast away.
back to daddy's car to take my belongings, but it's already on-lock.
Nvm.
i can still survive de.
then i cross my finger..
when i walk past aunt's car..
i really feel like smashing apart her that extra mirror thing..
but thinking only hurting my hand and if fail how?
so i continue to walk fast down away from my hse area..
***
Thinking ahdear left before me.
so he should be around bustop..
i took a quick peek at bustop area..
No leh.. he's not there.. thinking maybe his bus just nice arrive and he left le..
NVM lor.
i walk myself!
so wad if even de only one who cares and support me walks away in my life?
i dun care!
want go, go lar..
***
With nothing wif me..
not even ez-link card nor a 10 cent coin... i can only walk lor..
while walking..
i plan my journey.
1st thot.
" go sissy hse. "
then scold myself.
"Siao ar.. how to walk from my hse to her hse.. at commonwealth there leh.. "
2nd thot.
" go xian hse."
scold myself.
"-.- she must be celebrating reunion dinner wif her fam now lor. Even if i manage to reach, later her dad jiu will have bad impression on me le.."
3rd thot.
" go joey's."
my angel.
" dun be crazy. u dun even noe where is it. Plus, u got hp meh? no. so dun even and ever think about it."
4th thot.
" go naz hse."
ownself convince ownself.
"Set. since she also wont be celebrating cny eve. her fam also wont mind bah.. But.. can i reach there before i exhuasted to death? Later ahdear they all also cannot find me.. I still want to eat reuion steamboat wif mummy & daddy de .."
Dun doubt.
i really like went crazy. like one siao char bor liddat.
Deciding and scolding myself and analyzing.. -.-
In the end,
i plan to go bukit batok nature park.
I already reach le..
see inside.
Thinking later pitch dark i sure scared to hell..
Plus if ahdear want come find me he also cannot find me. How?
So i end up sitting at de bustop..
Just a few metre away frm bb nature park..
& a few few metre away frm my hse area..
Sat alone at bustop.
With only cold wind embracing me..
Leaves hustling as wind whistle by..
Running footsteps heard behind me that aways set my heart thumping so fast but to only sadden me for disappointment `bcause it's not ahdear or my family come looking for me,
it's just some random runner..
Indian old couple walk past me which sadden me more..
`bcause they set me wonder, where is my company?
Thinking that i will be griving alone at one ulu bustop during 2009 cny eve, my eyes jiu redden wif droplets going to fall.
I push back those wilful tears by tilting my head high up..
Telling myself not to cry.
This is the 1st time i had such a new yr eve and i am not going to loosen up.
my aunt(s). they wait. they sure get their own retribution..
***
After few hrs..
no one came -.-
nvm.
i ownself lonely de walk back home..
Cause i tired, cold and HUNGRY le..
***
while walking back home..
i know i went overboard and ridiculous..
But that is because i saw my aunt and i went "ki siao"..
PLUS ah dear keep trigger me..
i totally went berserk !
if he nvr shout at me letting so many ppl know & grabbing me so tightly..
quietly let me go bustop and we have our 'conversation' there..
i am sure things will go better de lor.
BD bin. asshole turtle.
he is just as ignorant as a gina.. no diff from me lor. sometimes worse off than me..
***
Halfway back home..
i saw a vision..
i squint my eyes &
Look clearer..
IS AH DEAR!
i faster turn & ran ar !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ah dear still caught up wif me -.-
my stamina now cmi liao..
thot he went back home le?
Thot once again ahdear going to grab tight tight and hurt me again..
so scared that i faster push ahdear away when he hug me tightly..
But he nvr.
he just tightly..
hug me closely.
he put his hand over my head and pat me..
kept saying "darling.. i am so sorry.. where have u gone to? i am so worried.."
Upon hearing all that.
i cried in his arm..
stupid ah dear..
so long then find me.. sob!
***
After ah dear say he treat me drink coffee bean's..
i cool down a little more bit. ^^
then he jiu say his granpa story..
he say where he'd gone to find me lah..
lucky he go this direction and find me lah..
he keep RUNNING around my neighbourhood to find me but cant find lah..
& many blablabla lar..
lolx.
silly ah dear..
i was awalys at de ulu bustop waiting for him..
ben dan asshole turtle.. ^^
***
THEN.
i know dat when ahdear turn and walk away frm me..
he actually went to go try to retrieve back the already smashed oranges (and something)..
cause he still plan to go my hse eat reuion steamboat dinner wif my fam de..
Need to bring oranges "bai nian".. but only left 2 oranges.. ><
Really silly him.
i thot he angry until heckcare me went home le lor!
humph!!
***
After eating 'steamboat'..
ah dear jiu wanna leave my hse to his fren's hse le..
sob!
then i jiu continue pack my luggauge..
after dat, fang fang & xiao yan jie jie jiu come over my hse play majong..
counting down cny.. ((:
***
Had a 'fruitful' & tiring loong cny eve wor..
xoxo.
i still love him & my fam ((:
Labels: this is how i spent my reunion dinner
2/16/2009 01:03:00 AM