♥Jess`ca ong
S H O U T
She's imperfectly perfect.
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scold her, she kept silent.
nag at her, she yells.
step on her tail, she bitch.
let her go hungry, she bites.
pamper her, she booast.
truely ♥ her, she purrs ;)
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Tuesday, January 20, 2009
It's been so long since i've blog again..
not dat im lazy or nth to blog about.
But lately..
So many many many things had been happening dat i cant just spill the beans over by just a few words to describe how i really feel deep dwn.
And..
i am rather lost now and desperately in need of shoulders to lean on.
---------------------------------x
1st-ly,
my studies been kinda ruined and messed up.
2nd.
had tiff wif my aunt. & end up having hatred wif almost all my relatives.
they cant accept me
and THEY HATE ME!
that's their problem.
I am who i am.
i wont change for some hyprocrite bitches.
their own children dun even know how to cross one bloody road, nor even know how to take any bus or mrt..
Hello.. one is already in sec.1 & the other sec. 3!
And she scold me that i am useless?
*screams*
WHAT THE HELL !!!
she even scold my mum dat she is useless!
!&*%#@&+^*&
For a period,
i thot my family is in cahoots wif them.
That's why i choose to run away frm home.
After writing letter to my family.
i went to JE lib.
while reading my books.
i just cant stop thinking of how i've been unfairly treated.
Did cried a little.
Buck up, and continue reading my books.
True close buddy?
i seem to have none now.
Can't stand w/o someone to talk to about it.
I called ahdear and told him everything.
& asked him to PLEASE come dwn at once to find me. ):
Just hang up,
i cried like hell.
Buck up once more, i went back to lib, waiting for ahdear- my current sole support.
Then,
once i saw ahdear, i pull over to him and cried for a moment.
I dun even care questioning stares from strangers.
I just cry like nobody business in e lib.
Then,
went to ECP ton.
Next morning,
found out sch already started de last few days.
Anyway,
i've screwed alot of things recently, wad's this small one to me?
Nothing.
ahdear & i did quarreled over some trival matters,
then i went back hm for my shower. and quickly change over to get out of house.
i ton at Vian's hse dat saturday night.
when i heard vian mentioning dat she quarreled wif her mother just a while ago,
i didnt know of any comforting words to say to her.
For i'm in a shit situation myself.
The nxt day,
i went to work at parents place wif ahdear.
A little emberresment plus still being fed up wif de previous aunt-thingy-stuff,
i kept all quiet during work.
Next day,
i plan to go joey hse to ton. But ahdear kind of 'trick' me to go to no where but stay at hm.
Then i decided to go to fangfang's jie jie hse. But decided to cancelled.
Then i decided to call her to talk about heart-to-heart-matters.
No frens to talk to about my problem is like stabbing me at the back.
Then,
fang suggested i went along to lot1 wif her.
Ok, why not?
I will be bored stiff at hm, might as well go out and have some fresher air.
But all along,
i am still so troubled wif my stuff and everything.
Dun even have mood to eat.
Even when fang & her frens are all eating delicious good thai food and happily catching up wif one another..
I felt so lonely and felt so stuffed.
I just can't jolly join in and be any happier when out!
I am so "fan" !!! )=
Then..
I quarreled wif mummy.
i scream and shout till my voice turn hoarse.
ahdear suddenly appear at my hse.
wont let him in, in e 1st place, but my heart is super soft. Gave in still.
then days passby by drowning myself in working.
in order to avoid many problems i had.
'cause i have no solution to it.
None!
i really dunno know what to do now.
and how am i suppose to do now.
3rd.
Friends around me just "poof"! away..
Suddenly,
i just felt as if all my frienship wif them is so weak and thin.
the only person i always look upon to whenever im in wadever mood or situation,
had seems to disappear as well.
Sissy,
i miss the old sissy i used to know.
Even when we 2 are online on msn,
we are like two stranger now.
Even if we get to reply one another,
the way she tok has change,
the way she react is diff,
the tone of topic is those i cant catch up wif and i cant response to.
How and when did all this happen?
i am clueless.
She has new frens.
A better one i guess.
And she seems so much happier when wif me in e past.
So i dare not to disrupt her living now.
It's just that.
whenever i think of de past, and how we used to have one another, and de photos we took until sian of one another..
whenever i think of all those nolstalgic things, i am SUPER SAD & cried as if i've lost my gf.
OK.
she WAS my gf.
i mean those bestie.
Sigh.
wad to do. `)=
Once lost, it will be hard to get it back.
----------------x
For so many things that had happen..
It turns out that my family actually concern about me and gave me their fullest support for wadever thing i decide.
i love them more & being much considerate for my fam now.
p.s. I will be going to thailand frm 26 jan - 30 jan wif my fam! ^^
1/20/2009 01:22:00 AM