♥Jess`ca ong
S H O U T
She's imperfectly perfect.
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Thursday, October 30, 2008
Dear had gotten himself an another
gf.
she was e one whom he mentioned to me b4 about. i actually didnt ever think dat he will did something liddat to me. i always have in mind dat he loves me so much n that he is unlike of other guys dat i knew before. But he proves me wrong. he is just any other 'tom-dick-or-henry' who date wif another when he's already attached!
#$%^&*!*^$
he told me not to blog about this.
for?
i dun really wan to noe why.
i only know that
if i bottle this thing up,
blogging for me will just be a full of craps.
anyway,
ppl ard me seems to knw dat something is amiss btw him & i.
keep probing me abt it.
so i will try
to keep it short n clear dwn here.
----------------------------------------------------------------
it happenED
during e period when i was idiot-ly worrying e ica thing for him.
rmb?
he was giving me e 'bo chap' attidute.
only when i knew i was kanna 2-timed.
everything falls into place.
yes.
only one wrd to describe myself.
foolish.
he kinda tricked me
for giving him e 'one last chance'.
bcause we bicker for e ica thingy.
after dat,
i seems to heard my heart breaking.
after tricking me into saying..
"Let it be e past. we will start all over again."
he then confessed
abt going out wif a gal.
twice.
alone.
at 1st,
i dun find it weird.
for i thot dat gal is just a fren.
nth wrong wif it.
but at e 2nd thought..
since he mention it to me.
and even say that it is a secret to me.
& he even ask me,"rmb last few days ago, i say i am at lan wif frens? i was actually out wif a girl."
i find it really strange.
&
suspicious.
so i asked further.
"u went out wif her alone?" -yar.
"for movie ar?" -no. only for dinner.
"is she taller than me?" -no. if taller than u means taller than me leh. im only 2cm shorter than u
"she fat? thin?" -quite fat. (lol?)
"she long hair wan right? sexy sexy wan right?" -hmm, not long leh. short hair de. at shoulder length there. not sexy also. (-.-)
"when did it happen?" -last wed. (15.10.08)
"dat means it happens b4 bear's ROM lor." -yar.
"last wed is e 1st meet up or 2nd?" -2nd.
"just for dinner nia meh?" -got go play some game lor.
"2 meet up also dinner nia ar?" -yar.
"why no movie wan?" -i dat time no $ go watch movie. (o ya.)
i think i couldnt think well at dat time.
was questioning him
all sorts of irrelevant and not v impt qn.
after hanging up
wif agreeing to meet up wif Dear later on for movie wif his frens.
i cried.
then i tried to pretend dat i am busy.
but it still bothers me.
it is just a girl that Dear met for twice.
& he say she was only a fren.
& only for dinner.
so y does it matter to me so much?
it doesnt in e past.
why now?
thinking i am crazy.
i msged BJ for advice,
frm a guy point of view..
is often quite accurate.
then feeling still not v gd,
i msged misa.
telling her dat Bin bluff me.
she auto replied me
& wants to call me to tok about it.
so we toked.
& discussed.
she then stumble me wif a qn.
that i nvr thot of asking Bin.
"why he wants to go out wif her in e 1st place?"
i was quiet.
because i have no ans to it.
i decided to probe Dear
when we r on our way to vivo for movie.
was late.
so we took cab dwn.
& Dear notice how cold i treated him.
as if he got virus liddat.
walk also nvr walk tgt wif him.
tok to him also dead dead liddat.
wan ans dun ans de.
he then scold me
for showing him this attitude.
HELLO.
i haven even blame u
for lying lor.
got more angry.
why is he always so unreasonable?
in e cab.
i asked e qn dat Misa had stumble me wif.
"why in e 1st place u want to go out wif her?"
he told me.
he was bored. so he went audi.
then he jiu know this gal in one rm.
and they jiu decided to meet up.
zzz.
"she dunno u got gf le meh? u nvr tell her?"
he told me.
he didnt.
"why u nvr say?"
he told me.
they 2 not as close..
just fren, no such a need to say.
i nvr think dat anything is wrong.
so i listened to all his
swearings and sweet talk.
& blablabla.
then everything was fine.
and we hugged.
stayed in dis position for some time.
for assurance dat wadever he say
is e truth.
then everything
seems really back to normal.
BUT
halfway watching the "Tropic thunder".
wif tom cruise acting e irrtating bastard.
n i dunno.
n i only noe when e show ends.
Dear starts to act rather
abnormal.
he took out his hp,
n was obviously reading a sms.
but he secretly reading it.
Yes.
Discreetly reading e sms.
as if i should not know wad e content should be.
This action alerts me
& signal me in sharp tone.
dat something concerning wif that 2day gal is not right!
i tried to snatch his hp.
& saw a gal's name.
name VAL.
1st sms.
[ finish working? ]
2nd sms.
[ u so busy till cant reply me issit? ]
Har?!
It sound SUPER WRONG lah!
i told Bin.
"she sound as though she is ur gf."
Bin just gave me a v fake laugh
then told me off.
HELLO.
why is he always giving me e black face
& showing me attitude.
when i should be e one upsetting?!
then i suddenly rmb wad BJ told me
in one sms.
[ wah!! i think he is sick of u liao ba n wanna ditch u?? if not he will not tell u de ma ]
i thinking.
Anything is possible.
when nth happens yet.
so i tried to concentrate
& tried to enjoy watching e
entertaining n disgusting movie.
when something funny in show,
i laugh.
if not Dear will scold me again.
as time pass,
i start to really enjoying watching e show.
and forgetting all about VAL.
after show,
we went toilet.
and i wanted to hand e hp back to Dear.
he insisted dat i keep.
But i insisted dat he take back
and reply VAL sms.
i even told Dear dat,
"she is waiting for u to reply her back."
ok.
Jealousy.
but also
because he keep telling me,
she is just a fren.
so why not reply her?
nth wrong wad.
unless... ..
in e end,
kanna scold by him again.
and we 2 was fuming wif one another when walking
into individual's gender toilet.
Dear's fren drove us to
beauty world,
e kopitiam there
makan.
when one long hair sexy chio bu walk past.
i saw Dear and his kaki's eyes
all bio at her.
Dear hint something to his fren
then Dear's kaki say,
"u all cannot see liao leh.. got gf de."
dear's kaki got 2 got gf le.
other 3 dun have,
if not nvr bring out.
when Dear's fren told me abt dear
i smiled.
wif fire.
and i say to his fren,
"JB is always liddat de. used to it liao.."
Dear seems proud n say,
"see. she knows wan.."
WHEN BACK HOME.
i am still very concern
abt VAL..
who e hell is she to ask dat 2 qn.?
so i interogate Dear.
still telling me that she is just an audi fren nia hor!
so i decided to sms VAL
using Dear's hp.
since dear dun wan to reply.
i help him to reply.
bcause i now e taste of waiting
for someone like him!
wanted to write something like this.
[ im his gf. wad do u want? ]
haven write hor!
want to start writing "im" only..
then VAL called.
i tell Dear to pick.
he dun want.
insisted he ans.
he die die dun wan.
i felt du lan.
so i answered.
me: hello?
VAL: hello?
. . . . .
me: wad do u want?
VAL: who is this?
me: u find him for wad?
VAL: who is this?
. . . . .
me: u find him for wad?
VAL: who is dis?
-.-
. . . . .
me: im his gf.
. . . . .
VAL: orh.
VAL: ok.
tooot tooot tooot.
i look sternly at
Tan Jun Bin.
Just a fren nia meh?!
just a fren nia keep asking who is the other gal on e other line meh?
just a fren nia hangs up once i say i am his gf meh?
All his swearings & sweet talk is all
BULLSHIT.
we then have a
not very nice talk.
till then.
he is still persistantly saying..
we are just frens.
until i keep saying.
"then how come she got misunderstood? how come she thot u like her? how come u nvr tell her u got gf in e 1st place? it needs 2 hands to clap. u MUST have done or say something that led her to misunderstand dat u like her."
then he confessed.
"yar. i dated her."
"so she is ya another gf."
it is a qn without a need
to ans back.
but he dunno n just say..
"yar."
i jiu shi dun wan to hear..
"yar."
it breaks my heart.
totally.
i continue to ask him wad else did he say to her?
and he told me.
"i did sms her n say 'i miss her'. and asked her 'do u want to be my gf.'
i dunno why.
but suddenly,
i felt so worried for VAL.
i am once a girl like her.
gotten hurt by bastard(s) like Bin.
so i noe
how hurtful it is to be played wif.
and so,
i insisted that Bin called VAL back.
to clarify to her.
mouth-to-mouth.
Bin say he's gonna sms her e nxt day..
to clarify wif her.
telling her clearly dat he had already got a gf.
Bin also say dat
he dun want to hear VAL crying.
Upon hearing dat,
i was hurt.
And i dun want
dear to be like those guys i met.
i insisted Bin to call VAL..
immediately,
when i am around to hear..
wad he gonna say to VAL.
we have a small argument
over this.
Dear just dun understand dat,
i dun want him to be like e guys i knew.
i want him to be someone special,
even when he fools around wif gals,
he will still be someone wif upright morality.
someone who is not as bad as others.
someone who admits his own mistakes in e right attitude.
Still,
he called VAL.
he explain to VAL,
n told her dat he noes he is in e wrong.
he is e bad guy.
he already got gf and should tell her in e 1st place.
& blablabla.
i knew.
VAL cried in phone.
VAL scold Dear.
VAL blame Dear.
VAL say she hates Dear.
VAL thinks dat she is a fool.
VAL thinks dat Dear is toying wif her.
i knew.
even when i did not noe wad in e hell she said in e phone.
cause Dear didnt put in loudspeaker.
and i allow dat.
for i think it is some kind of respect.
(wish Dear did put loudspeaker n let me hear.)
but i still knew.
w/o hearing.
bcause i am someone like VAL
back in e past.
and Dear said something in e phone to VAL.
which bothers me ALOOOTT.
he said.
"i care for u. i really got care for u."
and i think VAL
shouted back something.
all along,
Dear didnt rebark back to VAL.
he didnt show temper.
he didnt show his attitude.
he didnt.
if me,
he sure shout loud loud like
i kill his whole family liddat.
b4 hanging up wif VAL,
dear told her to
"take care."
i thot i heard him saying,
"go and die lor."
i dunno why lah.
think my head n ear spoil liao.
but after clarifying wif dear,
i felt abit funny.
dear then tell me stuff like this,
"i pei u for the last night."
AND SHOW ME BLACK FACE.
@$%&^%&$%*
He still say,
when he sms say he miss her,
i was always on his mind.
Tell me,
how am i suppose to believe him?
He still say,
when he was out wif VAL,
he was always thinking of me.
You all tell me.
how.
How am i suppose to trust him?
Dear blame me
for all this.
He say bcause he is waiting for me to really say
i love him.
He had been waiting for
so long.
but i jiu shi nvr once said it
frm e bottom of my heart.
I am e reason.
for his flings.
But hey,
in normal days..
i knew u r flirting wif others.
but i nvr say anything.
not bcause im afraid.
but bcause im tired of saying all these.
it's really is chalenging,
toking to someone like him.
one dustbin
& one fish.
totally couldnt be able to communicate.
n say e same stuff.
No link.
at all.
Eventually,
i cant bear to let him go.
Not when i realise
my feelings for him.
Not when i really
start to like him.
Not when our days tgt
already seem so little.
when dear had to be back to m'sia.
i..
forgave him.
But let's face e truth.
forgive doesnt mean forget.
i will always rmb.
24.10.2008
e day when you
2-timed me.
e day when i realise,
how vulnerable & weak our love is.
e day when i start to lose all trust on you
the trust,
that u so working hard to build up in me to u.
e day when i really really realise,
i love you.
gf.
she was e one whom he mentioned to me b4 about. i actually didnt ever think dat he will did something liddat to me. i always have in mind dat he loves me so much n that he is unlike of other guys dat i knew before. But he proves me wrong. he is just any other 'tom-dick-or-henry' who date wif another when he's already attached!
#$%^&*!*^$
he told me not to blog about this.
for?
i dun really wan to noe why.
i only know that
if i bottle this thing up,
blogging for me will just be a full of craps.
anyway,
ppl ard me seems to knw dat something is amiss btw him & i.
keep probing me abt it.
so i will try
to keep it short n clear dwn here.
----------------------------------------------------------------
it happenED
during e period when i was idiot-ly worrying e ica thing for him.
rmb?
he was giving me e 'bo chap' attidute.
only when i knew i was kanna 2-timed.
everything falls into place.
yes.
only one wrd to describe myself.
foolish.
he kinda tricked me
for giving him e 'one last chance'.
bcause we bicker for e ica thingy.
after dat,
i seems to heard my heart breaking.
after tricking me into saying..
"Let it be e past. we will start all over again."
he then confessed
abt going out wif a gal.
twice.
alone.
at 1st,
i dun find it weird.
for i thot dat gal is just a fren.
nth wrong wif it.
but at e 2nd thought..
since he mention it to me.
and even say that it is a secret to me.
& he even ask me,"rmb last few days ago, i say i am at lan wif frens? i was actually out wif a girl."
i find it really strange.
&
suspicious.
so i asked further.
"u went out wif her alone?" -yar.
"for movie ar?" -no. only for dinner.
"is she taller than me?" -no. if taller than u means taller than me leh. im only 2cm shorter than u
"she fat? thin?" -quite fat. (lol?)
"she long hair wan right? sexy sexy wan right?" -hmm, not long leh. short hair de. at shoulder length there. not sexy also. (-.-)
"when did it happen?" -last wed. (15.10.08)
"dat means it happens b4 bear's ROM lor." -yar.
"last wed is e 1st meet up or 2nd?" -2nd.
"just for dinner nia meh?" -got go play some game lor.
"2 meet up also dinner nia ar?" -yar.
"why no movie wan?" -i dat time no $ go watch movie. (o ya.)
i think i couldnt think well at dat time.
was questioning him
all sorts of irrelevant and not v impt qn.
after hanging up
wif agreeing to meet up wif Dear later on for movie wif his frens.
i cried.
then i tried to pretend dat i am busy.
but it still bothers me.
it is just a girl that Dear met for twice.
& he say she was only a fren.
& only for dinner.
so y does it matter to me so much?
it doesnt in e past.
why now?
thinking i am crazy.
i msged BJ for advice,
frm a guy point of view..
is often quite accurate.
then feeling still not v gd,
i msged misa.
telling her dat Bin bluff me.
she auto replied me
& wants to call me to tok about it.
so we toked.
& discussed.
she then stumble me wif a qn.
that i nvr thot of asking Bin.
"why he wants to go out wif her in e 1st place?"
i was quiet.
because i have no ans to it.
i decided to probe Dear
when we r on our way to vivo for movie.
was late.
so we took cab dwn.
& Dear notice how cold i treated him.
as if he got virus liddat.
walk also nvr walk tgt wif him.
tok to him also dead dead liddat.
wan ans dun ans de.
he then scold me
for showing him this attitude.
HELLO.
i haven even blame u
for lying lor.
got more angry.
why is he always so unreasonable?
in e cab.
i asked e qn dat Misa had stumble me wif.
"why in e 1st place u want to go out wif her?"
he told me.
he was bored. so he went audi.
then he jiu know this gal in one rm.
and they jiu decided to meet up.
zzz.
"she dunno u got gf le meh? u nvr tell her?"
he told me.
he didnt.
"why u nvr say?"
he told me.
they 2 not as close..
just fren, no such a need to say.
i nvr think dat anything is wrong.
so i listened to all his
swearings and sweet talk.
& blablabla.
then everything was fine.
and we hugged.
stayed in dis position for some time.
for assurance dat wadever he say
is e truth.
then everything
seems really back to normal.
BUT
halfway watching the "Tropic thunder".
wif tom cruise acting e irrtating bastard.
n i dunno.
n i only noe when e show ends.
Dear starts to act rather
abnormal.
he took out his hp,
n was obviously reading a sms.
but he secretly reading it.
Yes.
Discreetly reading e sms.
as if i should not know wad e content should be.
This action alerts me
& signal me in sharp tone.
dat something concerning wif that 2day gal is not right!
i tried to snatch his hp.
& saw a gal's name.
name VAL.
1st sms.
[ finish working? ]
2nd sms.
[ u so busy till cant reply me issit? ]
Har?!
It sound SUPER WRONG lah!
i told Bin.
"she sound as though she is ur gf."
Bin just gave me a v fake laugh
then told me off.
HELLO.
why is he always giving me e black face
& showing me attitude.
when i should be e one upsetting?!
then i suddenly rmb wad BJ told me
in one sms.
[ wah!! i think he is sick of u liao ba n wanna ditch u?? if not he will not tell u de ma ]
i thinking.
Anything is possible.
when nth happens yet.
so i tried to concentrate
& tried to enjoy watching e
entertaining n disgusting movie.
when something funny in show,
i laugh.
if not Dear will scold me again.
as time pass,
i start to really enjoying watching e show.
and forgetting all about VAL.
after show,
we went toilet.
and i wanted to hand e hp back to Dear.
he insisted dat i keep.
But i insisted dat he take back
and reply VAL sms.
i even told Dear dat,
"she is waiting for u to reply her back."
ok.
Jealousy.
but also
because he keep telling me,
she is just a fren.
so why not reply her?
nth wrong wad.
unless... ..
in e end,
kanna scold by him again.
and we 2 was fuming wif one another when walking
into individual's gender toilet.
Dear's fren drove us to
beauty world,
e kopitiam there
makan.
when one long hair sexy chio bu walk past.
i saw Dear and his kaki's eyes
all bio at her.
Dear hint something to his fren
then Dear's kaki say,
"u all cannot see liao leh.. got gf de."
dear's kaki got 2 got gf le.
other 3 dun have,
if not nvr bring out.
when Dear's fren told me abt dear
i smiled.
wif fire.
and i say to his fren,
"JB is always liddat de. used to it liao.."
Dear seems proud n say,
"see. she knows wan.."
WHEN BACK HOME.
i am still very concern
abt VAL..
who e hell is she to ask dat 2 qn.?
so i interogate Dear.
still telling me that she is just an audi fren nia hor!
so i decided to sms VAL
using Dear's hp.
since dear dun wan to reply.
i help him to reply.
bcause i now e taste of waiting
for someone like him!
wanted to write something like this.
[ im his gf. wad do u want? ]
haven write hor!
want to start writing "im" only..
then VAL called.
i tell Dear to pick.
he dun want.
insisted he ans.
he die die dun wan.
i felt du lan.
so i answered.
me: hello?
VAL: hello?
. . . . .
me: wad do u want?
VAL: who is this?
me: u find him for wad?
VAL: who is this?
. . . . .
me: u find him for wad?
VAL: who is dis?
-.-
. . . . .
me: im his gf.
. . . . .
VAL: orh.
VAL: ok.
tooot tooot tooot.
i look sternly at
Tan Jun Bin.
Just a fren nia meh?!
just a fren nia keep asking who is the other gal on e other line meh?
just a fren nia hangs up once i say i am his gf meh?
All his swearings & sweet talk is all
BULLSHIT.
we then have a
not very nice talk.
till then.
he is still persistantly saying..
we are just frens.
until i keep saying.
"then how come she got misunderstood? how come she thot u like her? how come u nvr tell her u got gf in e 1st place? it needs 2 hands to clap. u MUST have done or say something that led her to misunderstand dat u like her."
then he confessed.
"yar. i dated her."
"so she is ya another gf."
it is a qn without a need
to ans back.
but he dunno n just say..
"yar."
i jiu shi dun wan to hear..
"yar."
it breaks my heart.
totally.
i continue to ask him wad else did he say to her?
and he told me.
"i did sms her n say 'i miss her'. and asked her 'do u want to be my gf.'
i dunno why.
but suddenly,
i felt so worried for VAL.
i am once a girl like her.
gotten hurt by bastard(s) like Bin.
so i noe
how hurtful it is to be played wif.
and so,
i insisted that Bin called VAL back.
to clarify to her.
mouth-to-mouth.
Bin say he's gonna sms her e nxt day..
to clarify wif her.
telling her clearly dat he had already got a gf.
Bin also say dat
he dun want to hear VAL crying.
Upon hearing dat,
i was hurt.
And i dun want
dear to be like those guys i met.
i insisted Bin to call VAL..
immediately,
when i am around to hear..
wad he gonna say to VAL.
we have a small argument
over this.
Dear just dun understand dat,
i dun want him to be like e guys i knew.
i want him to be someone special,
even when he fools around wif gals,
he will still be someone wif upright morality.
someone who is not as bad as others.
someone who admits his own mistakes in e right attitude.
Still,
he called VAL.
he explain to VAL,
n told her dat he noes he is in e wrong.
he is e bad guy.
he already got gf and should tell her in e 1st place.
& blablabla.
i knew.
VAL cried in phone.
VAL scold Dear.
VAL blame Dear.
VAL say she hates Dear.
VAL thinks dat she is a fool.
VAL thinks dat Dear is toying wif her.
i knew.
even when i did not noe wad in e hell she said in e phone.
cause Dear didnt put in loudspeaker.
and i allow dat.
for i think it is some kind of respect.
(wish Dear did put loudspeaker n let me hear.)
but i still knew.
w/o hearing.
bcause i am someone like VAL
back in e past.
and Dear said something in e phone to VAL.
which bothers me ALOOOTT.
he said.
"i care for u. i really got care for u."
and i think VAL
shouted back something.
all along,
Dear didnt rebark back to VAL.
he didnt show temper.
he didnt show his attitude.
he didnt.
if me,
he sure shout loud loud like
i kill his whole family liddat.
b4 hanging up wif VAL,
dear told her to
"take care."
i thot i heard him saying,
"go and die lor."
i dunno why lah.
think my head n ear spoil liao.
but after clarifying wif dear,
i felt abit funny.
dear then tell me stuff like this,
"i pei u for the last night."
AND SHOW ME BLACK FACE.
@$%&^%&$%*
He still say,
when he sms say he miss her,
i was always on his mind.
Tell me,
how am i suppose to believe him?
He still say,
when he was out wif VAL,
he was always thinking of me.
You all tell me.
how.
How am i suppose to trust him?
Dear blame me
for all this.
He say bcause he is waiting for me to really say
i love him.
He had been waiting for
so long.
but i jiu shi nvr once said it
frm e bottom of my heart.
I am e reason.
for his flings.
But hey,
in normal days..
i knew u r flirting wif others.
but i nvr say anything.
not bcause im afraid.
but bcause im tired of saying all these.
it's really is chalenging,
toking to someone like him.
one dustbin
& one fish.
totally couldnt be able to communicate.
n say e same stuff.
No link.
at all.
Eventually,
i cant bear to let him go.
Not when i realise
my feelings for him.
Not when i really
start to like him.
Not when our days tgt
already seem so little.
when dear had to be back to m'sia.
i..
forgave him.
But let's face e truth.
forgive doesnt mean forget.
i will always rmb.
24.10.2008
e day when you
2-timed me.
e day when i realise,
how vulnerable & weak our love is.
e day when i start to lose all trust on you
the trust,
that u so working hard to build up in me to u.
e day when i really really realise,
i love you.
10/30/2008 02:10:00 AM